omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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