I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
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How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
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I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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