I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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