I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
