Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm at about main and main street
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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