i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize