The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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