Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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