OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
