I can tuck mytits in my pants
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
