If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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