We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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