new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
