i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
