My brain says no but my pants say off.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
