Already got asked if we're dating
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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