He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
