he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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