bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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