I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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