The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
