So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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