I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
