i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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