Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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