It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
