Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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