Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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