He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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