Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
