I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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