My hair reeks of homosexuality.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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