Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
