dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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