Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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