he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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