i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
