I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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