You're my little dorito
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
