my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
