Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
