Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
