I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
