so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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