sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
love makes seman taste better
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize