help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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