I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
