you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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