as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
