I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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