it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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