i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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