The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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