I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
