Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
