hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
