Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
