I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
