I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
