So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
