Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
