i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
