We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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