I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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