i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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