She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
