please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
