Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
